Wedding Wants vs Wedding Budgets

Hi everyone! I want to start this blog entry by apologizing for my absence. I know I haven't written in a while, but life is full of curve balls. But I am back! And yes, in my absence I have continued to help brides and grooms, I just hadn't been able to sit down and write. That being said, here goes my newest entry: WANTS vs BUDGET. Every couple that I have met in the past comes with a budget already in mind. Most of the time, they have discussed this budget among themselves. Other times, the bride has a budget in mind while the groom has a different one. Sometimes they have all the money already set for the wedding, other times they don't. Sometimes family and friends are helping them, other times, they are surprised along the way. One thing is clear though, every single couple has left out numerous things outside of their budget. Why? Because when they sit down to do their wedding budget (together or apart) they don't discuss what exactly they want their wedding to be. Here is what normally happens (this is based on numerous conversations with clients, so please keep in mind these are my observations). Usually, the bride and groom get engaged, they each talk generally about what they envision that day to be like, the bride tells her mom and friends, they immediately schedule a bridal gown appointment (or a series of them), they go look for a dress, and then they go check out venues after giving each other a $ idea of how much they want to spend, only to then be hit in the face with reality. They also go by the generic lists provided by numerous magazines, websites, and social media apps as to what needs to be included in that list of needs and the average needed to spend. So why is it that the weddings end up costing them more than they budgeted if they are following all those lists? Well, let's begin with that first talk of wedding planning between the bride and groom. What did you both envision that day to look like? How many guests? Location ideas? In state or out? Destination wedding or at home? Do we both have money set aside? Are our families going to help us out? You see, planning a wedding in terms of budget, is a project. Yes, for the bride and groom and families, it all will be a fairy tale on the day off. However, the actual steps before that are all determined by the delicate balance of WANT vs CAN vs NEED. Just because you want 200 guests at your wedding doesn't mean you need it or can afford it. Unless you are a bride and groom with an unlimited budget (AWESOME!), I suggest you start your planning by first making a list of what you WANT vs CAN AFFORD. This will all be based on that first conversation that you will have with each other. Be honest about what you can really afford. You may be wondering how you figure out what you need. By all means, feel free to use those lists provided by the magazines and social apps about what you need for your wedding, and how to budget, but remember this is all just to give you a starting point. There is a reason why people hire wedding planners, and its because a good wedding planner will make you a list of what you need based on your vision and tailor it to your budget. Many times brides and grooms come to be after they have hired and fired wedding planners or vendors because they were promised a vision at a budget and then extra costs starting showing up. I believe that a real planner will be honest with you and paint you a REALISTIC vision of your wedding. Another thing you need to do is window shop. Send messages to different vendors asking for price packages, reviews, and evidence of their work. Don't fall in love with the first location you visit. Sometimes all inclusive doesn't necessarily save you money, and sometimes it does. Go on wedding sites like The Knot and Wedding Wire and read reviews. Speak with other brides who have used vendors you are considering. When making the list of what you need for your wedding to make your vision a reality, its imperative that you be realistic about what you and your groom can afford. A beautiful memorable wedding can come at any budget, because at the end, all it takes is two people who love each other.

Wedding Insurance?! The Alfred Angelo experience

Dear brides, I didn't think I was going to have to discuss wedding insurance in a blog but after what has happened to many brides in the last 24 hours, I felt it urgent. In the last days, the bridal boutique chain Alfred Angelo's closed its doors after filling for bankruptcy, leaving brides on a lurch. No notice, no dresses, no refunds, no answers. Many are still finding out and others have yet to know. We are talking wedding gowns, bridesmaid dresses, mother of the bride and groom dresses that won't be delivered or refunded. It's situations like this where having a wedding insurance comes in handy. Many insurance companies offer couples wedding insurances, ranging in cost from $150-$500. They can protect you in instances where vendors try to take advantage of you, weddings get called off, natural disasters affect your wedding day, or loss of wedding dress among other items. Even if you are just having a small wedding, please look into obtaining a wedding insurance. This will guarantee that you are protected. If you were affected by what is happening with Alfred Angelo's and you have a wedding insurance, file a claim with them immediately. If you don't have a wedding insurance and we're affected, I know wrapping your head around having to purchase a new gown after you had found the one and spent money on it is difficult. Many bridal boutiques and retailers are rallying around the affected brides and offering discounts if you bring in your Alfred Angelo's receipt. I also ask, if you happen to run into an employee of Alfred Angelo's, be kind. They all lost their jobs over night and many had no idea of what was coming. It is not their fault how corporate decided to mishandle this situation. You lost your wedding gown, they lost their livelihood. If you are a new bride or future bride, please look into acquiring a wedding insurance when the time comes. With that, I am here to answer any questions you might have. Thanks for reading!

The dress costs how much?!?!?!

Every bride has a picture in her head of what her dream dress looks like. Don't believe for a minute that they don't, because they do. Some just have a picture that is what they think is THE dress while others show up with an entire Pinterest board that the consultant must piece together to decipher the final look. And that's great, we love a bride who thinks she knows what she wants. Unfortunately, that image in their head doesn't have a price tag until they get engage and come shopping for the real deal. Cue in the shock from both consultant and bride when the budget doesn't match the dream dress. The consultant's shock is due in part because they don't set the price but they pay a price when the tantrum comes. Brides, we get it, you want that dress that you've had in your Pinterest board since you said yes! So, in order to avoid further heartbreak, here is the breakdown of what you need to know before setting a budget for the dress. 1. When the consultant asks for your budget, please keep in mind that it's just for the dress. You on the other hand may believe that it includes undergarments (will explain in a bit, because depending on dress, these are needed and vary), alterations, veil, shoes, jewelry, and headpiece, or what we refer to in the industry as the SEVEN point sale. And if you didn't know this when you set your budget, then get your calculator out and alter that budget. They will never ask you upfront for your complete bridalwear budget because surprising you with these extra items is how they up the sale. 2. Cost of dress, veil, headpieces, and even shoes might seem high. This is determined by the materials and hours of labor and yes, designer name. It is NOT the consultant's fault that Pinterest showed your dress but not the price. When you start searching for the dress, do your research and check price of dress! 3. Undergarments. If the place you go to buy your dress offers you undergarments, that is a place that truly understands how a dress moves, how it flows, and most importantly, that you want to be able to walk comfortably down the aisle. They understand that you don't want to penguin walk, that you don't want a weird shadow in your pictures, that D cups and ups don't hold up a dress by gravity, and that ultimately you want to look and feel your best. So please, I am begging you, try on the dresses with the proper undergarments. The bras, the corsets, the slips! They will help give you that desired shape! I cannot stress this segment enough! 3. A mermaid dress might look like it's less material but that doesn't mean it should cost less than a ball gown. Silhouette doesn't determine cost. Materials do. If you are marrying outdoors in the summer, chiffons and cotton blends are more breathable and lightweight. Duchess satin is a heavier material but has a beautiful sheen that gets picked up by candlelight. Not all crystals shine the same, not all lace are made the same, and not all shades of white and ivory look the same. 4. Add an AVERAGE of half the VALUE of the dress to the cost of your dress. That will give you an AVERAGE cost of potential alterations. Please note I said AVERAGE, it could be more it could be less depending on fit and bustle. Let's breakdown fit first. We are all not made the same like the store mannequins. If you have to take out a couple inches at the bottom, if you have to take it up in the shoulders or in the sides, turn a zipper into a corset back, or add paneling on the side, this all adds up depending again on how it fits you and who your seamstress is. A good seamstress will charge for the work done and guarantee the job. Don't skimp on the alteration cost, you might end up having to get another dress. Now, the bustle. Unless you plan to drag your train all night long in the crook of your arm or let others just step all over your dress at the reception, get a bustle. This is a nifty little invention that seamstresses do to wedding gowns to pick up the train of your dress so you can dance the night away at the reception comfortably. 5. When you find that dress, nine times out of ten, they doll you up with a veil, headpiece, and shoes. In your excitement, you say yes to the entire look. I guarantee you will have buyer's remorse about one or all add on items. Here is why: you have no clue what your hairdo will be, what shoes might work for the venue flooring and your comfort/look, if you want a sash with a wedding color incorporated or to match the dress, you don't know if Nana's jewelry works better as your something borrow, etc. HOLD OFF buying these things until 4 months before the wedding. By then you will have a better vision of what you want your final look to be. And who knows, you might find them more affordable at another location. 6. Final budget point in terms of wedding dress shopping. Be realistic. When you sit down to calculate your beudget for bridal wear, include everything listed above and you will avoid surprises and heartache. The worst thing is to see. Bride find her dream dress but because she didn't budget correctly and forgot to add the extras, or she didn't do her research, she has to settle for a cheaper dress. And consultants, please, we know you are there to help, but be straightforward with your bride. It never hurts to say, " Do we have a budget for your bridal wear?", "Yes, we have that dress, however I don't want to break your heart, since it's over your budget. Do you still want me to bring it?". So there you have it ladies, the reason why you get sticker shock when buying your wedding gown. And remember, it normally takes depending on the designer, 5 months to a year to order a dress, plus tackle on at least a two month window for alterations. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you want to chat or have any questions you want answered! Thanks for reading!

Bottle vs Breastmilk, my experience.

Let me be clear, this is not going to be a post showing the pros and cons of either one. This will not make the case of which should you pick. This is however a post about my experience with my child on how we ended up being both a breastmilk and formula fed baby. I always had this vision that I was going to be this powerful, all-giving mother that was going to easily latch her child to her breast and provide all the nutrients that she needed. While pregnant I made sure to read all the books, I new what foods were supposed to help with milk production, I was ready! I registered for bottles because everyone suggested it, but I didn't think I was going to need them. I was always a 36DDD, my size didn't change with the pregnancy, but I felt that if anyone could breastfeed, it would be me. The day my little girl was born was on a Tuesday through C-section, after being in the hospital since Sunday evening, trying to induce labor. She was ready to come, but my body wasn't reacting and due to other complications, at 9:45am, I had my little girl laying on my chest. We were taken up to our room and after check ups and making sure my sutures were good, we were introduced to the breast feeding coach. After explaining the "football" hold, I placed my daughter's little mouth to my breast, only to begin to understand something no one tells you. Breastfeeding is frustrating. With the coach in the room, after what seemed like an eternity, my little girl was able to latch with only the help of a nipple shield. What is a nipple shield, you ask? Some women, their nipple protudes out enough that the baby can latch onto it without a problem. That wasn't the case with me. Ladies, size doesn't matter, but the shape does! The coach I had that day made me feel at ease, and explained that the little plastic cone that she put over my nipple would aid my daughter in latching, since it was clear to her that we had latching issues. Throughout that first day, with the help of the coach, my daughter had both breastmilk and formula, since between the C-section, the latching issues, and other complications, both the doctors, my husband, and I decided to do what was best for our little one. The second day they changed my coach. And the lecture began. "Don't get attach to the nipple shield." "Let nature take over." "Ignore her tears, don't give up, she will get the hang of it." So and so forth, to the point where I was so frustrated I turned to my mother and told her in Spanish, "Either you get her out of here nicely, or I will do so not so nice." My mother asked her politely to give us a break and called for our nurse on duty. That Godsend nurse called the old coach and got her on the phone, and not only did she calmed me down, but asked the nurse to get me a pump. I pumped milk for my daughter that day for the first time. I never saw that breastfeeding coach again. I was blessed with that first coach who understood what the problem was. Not many people were understanding, in fact, many gave advice on breastfeeding and tried to convince me that supplementing with formula was bad. Others tried to talk me out of breastfeeding because they thought it was too much frustration for me. I listened, cried, was frustrated, and at the end, did what I thought was best for me and my child. I found bottles that had nipples that simulated the texture and shape of a nipple. I continued using nipple shields when breastfeeding. I supplemented with formula because I never gave a lot of breastmilk, even when I pumped. In fact, even after doing all that research, eating and drinking foods that aid in breastmilk production, I breastfed and pumped until I dried up around month four. My husband dried my tears, became my biggest cheerleader, and showed me that he loved me, regardless of how my body looked or what it could or couldn't do. My daughter is now fifteen months, healthy, and eats all kinds of food. And whenever I feel sad because I wasn't able to breastfeed her for long, or frustrated because of the issues we encountered, all I have to do is look at her and know that she is healthy. I am still friends with what I called my "breastfeeding bullies" and "formula bullies", and even went so far as to talk to them and tell them how they made me feel. Happy to say that the reason we are friends is because they understood, apologized, and friendships have healed. Whether you only breastfeed, bottlefeed, or do both, just remember that the bottom line is to do what is best for your child and you. For those interested, these are the products I used: Medela double electric pump Medela hand pump Medela nipple shield PumpEase Hands-Free Pumping Bra Avent Anti-Colic Baby Bottle Niple Avent Anti-Colic Bottles

Congrats, you are engaged! Now what?

You stared into each other's' eyes, the question was asked, and you said YES! If your engagement was private, you have a small window before the MOBS and FOBS attack, wanting to help you plan for the wedding, which you probably haven't even thought of the first 24 hours. If your engagement was public, may God have mercy on you, as the MOBS and FOBS have already swarmed you. Have no fear, I am here for the rescue! Let me first explain the MOBS and FOBS. MOBS are the lovely, sometimes (highly) opinionated Mothers of the Bride and Groom. Please note, not all MOBS will be overbearing and want to take over the wedding. In fact, many are very understanding that the wedding day is about their child (don't fight it, you will always be their child). However, there are a few, that for some reason, in their enthusiasm, begin helping and try and take over. Then there are the FOBS, friends/family of the bride and groom. They too sometimes tend to forget that its not their wedding. Many try to be helpful, and actually are, but you might find yourself having to remind them, its your day. Don't feel rush to have the answer to, "When is the wedding?". It is perfectly alright to be engaged and not have a date. In fact, the only thing you need to do with your fiance as soon get engaged is to enjoy the moment, the feeling and excitement that comes with being engaged. Do not let yourself feel pressured into setting a date or going dress shopping until you and your fiance have had a moment to sit down for the wedding talk. What is the wedding talk? It's the conversation you and your fiance must have in terms of what is the next step. Topics to cover must include finances, timeline, location, and both your and your fiance's wedding vision. When planning a wedding, many brides forget that this is not just their day, but the groom's day also. Is there a particular date that means something to you both? Who's paying for the wedding? How much time you have to plan? Do you want a small wedding, big wedding? What are the things that identify you as a couple? Once you have sat down and established what you both want for a wedding, what your budget is, and what date you are wanting to get married, it is time to shop. But don't get excited, I am not yet talking about the dress! I'm talking about a wedding planner or assistant. Someone who will take on the stress of the planning off your shoulders, who will respect your vision and budget and help you achieve your dream wedding. Many people often wonder why hire a wedding planner, when they can do it, or a family/friend says they will pitch in. A good wedding planner has vendor connections that can end up saving you money. They will make the phone calls and speak with the vendors for you, help you narrow the searches, and even help you negotiate. They will make sure your bridal party get their attire in order and run everything smoothly the day of the wedding. The first couple of days after getting engaged are a jumble of emotions. It is a lot to take in and it all might seem overwhelming. Just remember, enjoy the feeling with your fiancé, everything else will fall into place when it needs to! And remember, any questions, I am here! Cecilia

Which version of you are you dressing

For fourteen years I have dressed women of all body types, ages, styles, and for so many different occasions in their lives. From jury duty to weddings, romantic getaways to divorce parties, one thing all these women had in common was that what they saw in the mirror never matched the image of themselves in their minds. It's the cursed Snow White moment of "mirror mirror on the wall, show me what I think I look like". Women go through more body changes than any other living creature ever!!!! You get boobs in all sizes, you get waists in all sizes, hair sprouts in places you never imagine, you have mood swings due to hormones, childbirth affects your body shape, chemo affects your body, boob jobs (good and bad) affect your body, you name it! So when you go to a store and you have associates who look like they haven't had a decent meal in ten years and the first question out of their mouth is, "What size are you?", is it a wonder that many of you run for the hills? Fighting the "standards" of the fashion industry is an uphill battle that we all feel we will never win. So instead, create your own standards!!!!! Before getting dress, doesn't matter if you are staying home or going to work, stand in front of a mirror. And please, do this alone, no kids, no hubby, no one! Take a good look at yourself and accept what body type you are. Own up to your curves and lines and embrace them! The standard size is NOT what you see in the runways! The standard size nowadays is size 16! The average bra size is 36C! Every day, before you get dressed, even if it sounds like a drag, look at yourself in the mirror and accept whatever size you are, whatever shape you have. And then proceed to dress the body that you currently have!!!! I promise you, trying to hide your body behind clothes only makes you accentuate it. When shopping to revamp your wardrobe or just to start a wardrobe from scratch, do NOT take friends. I know its fun shopping with friends, but the problem many encounter is that they will try to dress you in what they want you to wear, and not necessarily what you want or feel comfortable wearing. Do not be afraid to tell retail associates to back off or to help you. They are there at your disposal. Go with a plan! Look at the store's websites, check out the sizes before you go in, look at how the outfits are put together, and put your own spin. Choose style icons! We women plan for everything, why not plan for the amazing woman you are dressing. Clothes are a way of expressing yourself, so why not let the world know that you are curvy, beautiful, and the best version of yourself!

Shopping for maternity clothes

You are pregnant! Congrats! Let's go shopping for maternity clothes! Grab you wallet, and let's go! You will need so much stuff! STOOOOOOOOOOOOP! Grab a hold of your wallet and senses and sit down. Being pregnant is a wonderful experience, full of many emotions, but it is also a costly one. The last thing you need is to go crazy buying clothes that you will probably only wear 4-5 months, depending on how your body changes throughout the pregnancy. But you will need maternity clothes, don't fool yourself. And one thing I could never abide by, is not to dress for the body you have, even when that body is carrying another little body! The first thing I did before going to get maternity clothes was to look at the months I was going to be pregnant so that I could determine what maternity staples I would need based on weather and occasions. I didn't start to really show until month five, and living in Florida, shorts and tshirts made the list, summer dresses, and light sweater. Because I was working full time, suitable work pants and tops also made the list, along with a possible sweater/jacket. Pajamas and sweats for the house also made the list, because lets face it, pregnant women need to be comfortable. Be honest with yourself when maternity shopping. Do you really need ten pairs of shorts, six jeans, twenty tops, five dresses? Every pregnant woman's list will be different because it will all be based on your needs. I bought three pairs of shorts, two summer dresses, two black pants (dress code at work was all black, boring I know!), five tops for work, two dresses for work, and two jeggings. I didn't get the light sweater because some of the sweaters I had at home still work, even when I was pregnant. I had a lovely associate at The Motherhood store who helped me pick pajamas that ended up doubling up after the delivery because they were "breastfeeding friendly", so in the long run, they saved me money. The tshirts I purchased (three), were all basic colors that I could accessorize with scarves, jewelry, or different cardigans and sweaters. I didn't get a jacket until almost the end of the pregnancy, because as my father once said, Florida weather is like an angry woman, you just never know what you get everytime. Don't go shopping for maternity clothes with friends, because everything looks cute, and they will want you to leave with the entire store! Find an associate at a maternity store who you trust, but be upfront with her on what you need, what you are looking for, and what your budget is. I was lucky to find an associate at The Motherhood in Citrus Park Mall who not only respected my budget, but understood my needs. And keep in mind, just because your friend who is pregnant is showing more belly than you, so she bought something, doesn't mean you need it too. Every belly grows differently. If you are pregnant and in Tampa and need help shopping for maternity clothes, I am here for you! Cecilia