Being a first time mom... after 30s!

Dear reader, In addition to being obsessed with fashion, bridal, cooking, and reading, I am obsessed with one other beautiful little thing, my daughter Genoveva. Now, every mother swears their child is the perfect angel on earth, that pregnancy was flawless, delivery was ALMOST painless, and staying home with the baby was the easiest decision. You know, urban myths. Here's my story. Morning sickness kicked in during month 3. Yes, it affects at any time of the day. Yes, I tried almost every remedy recommended. Yes, the husband did hold my hair, so you may ooh and aah as you picture it. Only days that I didn't get it, when I would have soda crackers with butter and chocolate milk at 3am. But please, don't think of what I just mentioned as a cure for it. It lasted until month 6, then picked up month 8, and disappeared at the start of month 9. Cravings are real, but not crazy. Mine included as mentioned soda crackers with butter, oatmeal, Chinese food, Grimaldi's pizza, and chips ahoy. Couldn't stand the smell or taste of Chipotle, and for those who know me, Chipotle was a staple once a week at work. To give it up for nine months was amazingly easy but disconcerting. Coffee was not entirely given up, because the doctor knew I would die, so I was reduced to decaf coffee, which was sent by mail from Puerto Rico, (my parents spoiled me that way). I was told a number of times that I was lucky because I didn't swell up, I didn't look really pregnant, and many people didn't even realize it until month 6 or 7. Being pregnant at 33 came with some known risks, since I have a heart murmur, but the one thing that really stuck and I hated was the, "Awe, you are over 30 so here's a list of things that can go wrong." Being told that my age was a factor on whether my baby would be born with Down Syndrome was one of the biggest scares my husband and I had. Let's just say that its not a voicemail that should ever be left. We chose to accept whatever God sent us. My iron was always a little low, so I had a chance to eat some really good steaks, and ladies, yes, you pee a lot when pregnant because you have to drink a gazillion gallons of water a day. I literally worked at my job up until the day before I was scheduled to go to the hospital. Again, because of my age and another complication known as an irregular shaped placenta, I was scheduled to be induced. My last month of pregnancy was one of whirlwind moments. We closed on our house October 30th, cleaned and painted the new house November 2-10th, packed it all up and moved November 11th, worked up until the 14th of November, and went into the hospital November 15. My loving mother, sister, brother in law, and my best friend upacked my entire house and set up the baby's room for me. Meanwhile, my husband and I joined the future parent's club at the hospital awaiting for our baby girl to come into the world. By November 17th, I was tired of the hospital, tired of ice chips, tired of medications, tired of the bed, and just wanted out!!!! We made the informed decision for the health of the baby and mine to have a C-section. She came loudly screaming into the world November 17th at 9:45am weighing 7.15lbs, 22 inches of joy. Recuperating from the C-section was easy. Recuperating from postpartum depression was a daily struggle. There were days when everything was perfect. And days when you look at yourself in the mirror and no longer see yourself. Choosing to stay home with my child was the best decision we could make, but what no one prepares you for is that your identity changes. I was no longer an Assistant Manager at a bridal store, I was no longer dressing brides or helping to plan events. I was smack in the middle of feedings and sleeping schedules, and breast feeding failures, and not recognizing the body that was in the mirror. And yes, you read correctly, breast feeding failures, a topic I promise to go further into detail on a next blog, but needless to say, my daughter thrived on both breast milk and formula until I dried up. Lack of sleep, little adult interactions besides the occasional friends and family that would stop by, not having to dress up, everything takes a toll. And like many, the added pressure of being "over 30" and that you should have your life figured out only adds to the stress. I was lucky. I have a husband who understood, who cheered me up, and who dried my tears and loves me in the new body that maternity left me. I had a wonderful support system of family and friends who saw through the wall I tried to build and who gently laid those bricks down. And I learned to love the new title of Stay at Home mom. Most importantly, the title of Mom Over 30 didn't scare me anymore. One look at Genoveva's smile and I am back to being in love with being +30. Motherhood is a beautiful mess. One that takes tears, courage, smiles, occasional breakdowns, and lots of caffeine. My journey is only 14 months, one which I will document here on what I will call Mommy Wednesdays. Hopefully, one day, Veva will read and see what joy she brings to my life. And for all those mommies who are scared or happy and need to share or just be listened to, I'm here, listening. Thanks, Cecilia